Category Archives: Thoughts

Build a Bridge

Most days you can find me at the local Starbucks, working on my laptop, sipping some iced bean juice, and listening to 90’s Grunge rock (Foo Fighters currently). 

When I get stumped, I tend to look over the room and simply people watch in the least creepy way as possible.

Frequently sitting across from me is a Middle Eastern woman, I would guess in her 50’s, also plugging away at work. She looks very unapproachable, so I’ve never spoken to her. We just give each other a nod to show we recognize each other and then it’s back to work.

Today, there was a ruckus with an unhappy customer that caused heads to turn. You know the type, someone unhappy with their drink so they feel the need to berate those working hard. Thankfully, another customer shamed her for acting like a spoiled brat.

The woman across the table and I just looked at one another and shook our heads. We had a quick exchange about the absurdity of some people. After seeing this woman for a couple years, this was the most we had spoken.

Once I finished the article I was writing, I sat back and let out a deep breath and cracked my knuckles. She happened to be doing the same thing at the same time. We both had a laugh. She sparked a conversation, asking what I did for a living.

I would find out that she’s originally from Iraq. She’s been here for 15 years, earned her citizenship, got her teaching degree, and comes to Starbucks to grade papers because her kids never leave her alone at home. She explained how much she loves this country, but wishes people were nicer, not to just her, but everyone in general.

Her advice to many Americans was to stop complaining so much, because we really have no idea how great we have it. I love meeting people of different cultures, backgrounds, faith, countries, etc. and the opportunity to learn through those that are different than me.

I noticed she was wearing an Allah protection pendant. She said she was a devout Muslim and regularly attends the Mosque in Perrysburg. I explained that I always wanted to attend a service as I have with other religions but felt I wouldn’t be accepted. She laughed and reassured me that they accept all walks of life, especially those that want to learn more about a religion that is regularly bashed and ridiculed.

The conversation ended abruptly when her brother was video calling her from Iraq. Her face lit up like a lightbulb. I went back to finishing up so I could head home.

As I was putting away my laptop, I noticed she is crying tears of joy. I don’t have to speak her language to know how happy she was to be hearing from him.

This entire exchange made my day. It also made me think deeply about the world we live in. How can people wish death upon a group of people for the way they pray or because extremists use their faith as a reason to justify mass murder?? This woman and her husband fled their home for a better life. They’ve been through hell to get to a point of acceptance, even though many Americans still wish death upon them and their families.

I found myself getting angry and ashamed of the people of this country that think their white privileged lives are more important than those of different colors and ethnicities.

This woman and I are more alike than we are different, even though we are from opposite sides of the world. We both have kids, a sibling we miss, parents, careers, loved ones, daily struggles, etc. We don’t have to share the same faith to get along, to be friends, to share a meal or a coffee.

We are all far more interesting than the political party we follow or the God we pray or don’t pray to. I would much rather hear your story and what makes you smile and what makes you cry and what makes you who you are. Show me your personality.

When the end goal is peace, there are no walls, only bridges.

Build a bridge.

Good Grief

As I continue to mourn the loss of my dear sister, I started to really think about others that have experienced similar tragedies. Those close friends and family that have had to endure the same pain that I find myself in, along with the rest of my family. Losing a loved one that has barely lived a third of their life, is tragic at best.

I have way too many friends that can empathize with the grief I feel. The number shouldn’t be as high as it is. My best friend lost his brother when we were in our late teens. An absolute tragedy that I could not even begin to grasp. I just hoped I would never have to know his pain. What saddens me even more, is the fact that he is family to us. He lost a sister as well. And she loved him like another brother.

It’s like we’re all part of an unspoken club that none of us ever asked to be a part of. When you’re connected through tragedy, you begin to understand each other better, even if you rarely speak. You see the fake smiles and forced laughter and recognize that we’re all coping in different ways. We don’t get together or have meetings, but maybe we should.

Losing a loved one that has lived a full life is never easy, but it’s easier to comprehend and the grief seems easier to deal with. My great grandma died 20 years ago, and I still miss her like crazy, along with my other grandparents, but it was just easier to understand and move on. I find that missing someone and grieving are very different, even though they may seem similar. I miss my first dog, but it doesn’t affect my everyday life. Losing my sister has made life very difficult. It’s made me question everything from my faith to my existence to the point of it all. Good days are hard to come by. Bad days are aplenty. Sad days are constant.

Grief is such a fickle thing. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There are healthier options, but how one person mourns is not the same as the next. Most of us turn to drugs or alcohol to soothe the pain, but it only exacerbates the suffering. It’s a temporary fix that only serves to numb the senses. I would love to tell you I chose the healthy option by going to the gym and working towards bettering myself. Unfortunately, this entire ordeal mixed with a divorce and health issues, has left me in a very dark place. When I do have good days, I don’t really know what to do with them. I almost prefer to curl up into that dark place because it feels comfortable. I know how to deal with it, and it feels natural. The problem with staying in this place of darkness is being alone with my anger and sadness. Alone to contemplate the point of my existence. I keep hearing that there will be “light at the end of the tunnel” and “things will get easier”. Well, I can’t see any light and it’s only gotten substantially more difficult. It may be the cynic in me, but I just don’t believe any of this to be true. At least not yet.

What’s the Point?!?!

This life can seriously fuck right off. Nothing you do matters, nor does anyone give 2 shits. People don’t want you to grow, they just want you to fit into their preconceived notions of what you should be. They have expectations and when you don’t meet them, you are cast aside like yesterday’s garbage. They say they have your back and will be there through everything good or bad, but it’s a fucking lie. This society doesn’t want to put the work in to fix anything. Why fix what’s broke when you can just trash it and get something new?! No one considers what someone else is going through. Empathy and sympathy have left the building and they took kindness and love with them. Some of us just weren’t meant for this world. It’s a cruel and desolate existence and then you die.

You Can't Catch Being Gay, Karen!*

Disney has really done it this time. As if their attempt to take over the entertainment world wasn’t enough, they are now introducing the first ever openly gay character in the company’s history. *Gasp*. How dare they ruin our beloved cartoons with such filth?! I can already hear the screams of old white people. This will surely be the nail in the coffin for our civilization. We must rise up against this house of mouse.

As you can imagine, with Disney making this announcement, society decided to rear its ugly bigoted head and spew hate and ignorance all over the internet. This will likely spill into white “Christian” homes where the neighborhood moms will gather for wine/book/ignore-my-kids night on “Karen’s” veranda, complete with tiki torches and candles with the words Live, Love, and Laugh inscribed on each one, respectively. Welcome to American suburbia. Inside you will find casual racism and a general disgust for anything that doesn’t think, act, or love the same way they do.

None of this is new, nor does it even shock me. Maybe it’s my naiveite or hopefulness that by 2020 we would be living in a more accepted society. The thing is, what you believe or what someone else believes, makes no difference to either party. You’re welcome to have your convictions as long as it doesn’t interfere with someone else’s.

It is human nature to desire acceptance and inclusion. We are all looking for that special connection to the world where we are free to be ourselves without the fear of admonishment and ridicule. These are basic human needs that we all deserve.

“White privilege” is a fairly new term that has been concocted and overused in the last couple of years. Personally, I can’t stand the phrase, and not because I’m a straight white male, but rather because it addresses a cultural problem with a negative connotation. This causes people to immediately go on the defense before the conversation even begins.

Our culture relies heavily on social media to keep us informed and in touch with the world, from the safety of our own toilet. Think about that for a moment; we don’t break from the arguing and constant bombardment of political trash talk and horrendous news stories, to take a poop. That is how tethered we have become to our devices. This has led to people feeling much more comfortable with how they talk to others. Being behind a screen provides a lot of protection to the would-be bully. These types of arguments don’t happen in the real world, because if they did, a lot more people would end up getting punched in the mouth. There is no civil discourse on the net and morality has been checked at the door.

When we see something on TV or a movie, like 2 people of the same gender kissing or having sex, it’s ok to feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to like it, because that wasn’t the intention. It’s not for you. Every single other scene of love and affection since the dawn of television, has been for you. Congratulations, you’re experiencing diversity.

It is completely acceptable to disagree with how other’s love, pray, eat, work, or play. You have that right, and so do they. It is not your job to go out in the streets and protest for equal rights. You are not required to do any such activity. However, you do have to accept that everyone has the freedom to live their life the way they choose to live.

** “Karen” is simply a personality trait and does not reflect my views on anyone actually named Karen. I’m sure you’re all fantastic people, when you’re not demanding more lemon water from your server.

Everything is Going to Be OK

Well, here we are folks, quarantined and forced to stay home from all restaurants, bars, and public events and spaces. Matters will likely get worse before they get better. I can’t help but to think that maybe this will help all of us recognize how much we take for granted and to become more grateful for the amazing life that we’ve been given. There’s a silver lining here, I’m positive of it.

Before the closures become a real thing at 9pm, I figured I better get my coffee fix in at my usual spot. I’m the only person here, as I kind of expected. The adjoining stores and eateries all around, which are normally teeming with people, are vastly empty and barren. The roadways look like Christmas morning or something out of a zombie flick. It’s eerily quiet for a late Sunday afternoon, with the sun shining and the weight of seasonal depression lightening. Just as people are starting to get outside again, we are forced back in. It’s like Punxsutawney Phil had an evil trick up his furry little sleeve.

The last thing any of us should do, is panic. We will get through this. This is all new territory for everyone, so we must exercise patience and understanding. No one alive in the United States and most of the world, has ever dealt with something of this nature and magnitude. Arguing over what politician did or didn’t do, is not only pointless, but also a waste of time. Let’s put these brain cells to good use and be part of the solution.

Life is uncertain right now as we navigate through troubled waters. I assure you that these closures are completely necessary. Check your conspiracy theories at the door or trade them for some logic. This isn’t a political stunt, the lizard people aren’t coming for you, and you can rest assured that everyone is doing everything they can to make this as quick and painless as possible. No one benefits from shutting down the entire country. No one.

To get through this, we all need to stay positive and remind ourselves that this too shall pass. We have extra time with our kids to play games and eat dinner as a family. We are very fortunate to have everything that we do, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t stressed to the max. What we do with that stress and how we handle it, is what will determine how we get through it.

I wish you all the best and pray that this event is over sooner, rather than later. Stay healthy, wash your hands, and drink some bourbon. That’s an order.

My Sister’s Cancer Battle

undefined
Hey folks, I try to keep this sort of thing off of my pages, but our family, specifically my sister Kellyn, needs as much help as she can get. On Christmas day, she was diagnosed with Stage 4B Cervical Cancer. It has spread to her lymph nodes and lungs as well. As I’m sure you all know, it’s very expensive to be sick in this country. She has had to leave her job, as well as her husband having to cut his hours back in order to take care of his wife.

My sister is a strong woman and is fighting for her life every single day. We are asking for donations to help ease their burdens and reduce some of the insane medical debt that she’s already incurred in less than 2 months.

Thank you all in advance and God Bless.

Love,

Ryan Nadolny

Thank you.

Living a Nightmare

When I talk to my friends that don’t have kids, I try to avoid the phrase “you can’t understand because you’re not a parent”, or some variation of it. It sets a negative connotation and implies that they are incapable of having deep feelings about someone or something they love. However, every parent knows; the biological connection you have to your children is like no other emotion or feeling you’ve ever had. It’s a bond that is difficult to put into words. It’s kind of like being overwhelmed by ocean waves that keep pushing you under the surface. Except instead of it being water that’s trying to drown you, it’s a sensation of relentless love and responsibility. Nothing in life is more important than the well-being of your child. Whether it be mental or physical, their comfort and security is a matter of the utmost importance. Simply put, there is nothing you wouldn’t do for them.

On Superbowl Sunday, we were busy getting ready for a small party of friends and family to come over and watch the game. Our little girls were outside playing on our quiet and traffic free dead-end street, one on her bike and the other on a scooter. We were keeping an eye on them and had already given them a 5-minute warning before they had to come inside and get cleaned up.

Mom was in the kitchen and I was busy searching for the constantly missing remote control. As I passed by the front door, I noticed the scooter was flipped upside down, but I didn’t think anything of it. The girls were out of my line of sight. Next, I heard faint screaming and our 16-year-old telling us that the kids were yelling. My wife came around the corner and went out the front door to inspect. I heard her yell my name in a state of panic. I looked up through the front window of the house to see Maddie lying on the ground motionless. I made a dash to the door, expecting my wife to tell me she had skinned her leg or maybe broken a bone. She started to scream for me to call 911 because she was unresponsive.

I sprinted across the yard to the street, attempting to dial 911, and assess the situation. When I got to Maddie’s side, her eyes were rolled into the back of her head and she wasn’t waking up. Sarah continued to call out her name and try to get a response. At this point, I am absolutely frantic. I could hear my own heart beating. It’s hard to keep your composure and give details to an emergency dispatcher while seeing your first-born child lying lifelessly on the concrete.

Maddie finally opened her eyes and started to slowly come around. She looked very confused and disoriented. It was a momentary sigh of relief, as we still weren’t out the woods yet. She was complaining that her spine hurt. I laid on my stomach and took Maddie’s hand while Sarah stood over her and held her head straight until paramedics got there. It felt like an eternity, even though they were there within a few minutes. I asked Mo to squeeze my finger, which she firmly did, and then refused to let go. She was also able to wiggle her toes and feet. All great signs so far. Thankfully, she was wearing her helmet, so there did not appear to be any trauma to the head.

The paramedics arrived and quickly went into action. In addition to them, there were 3 cop cars and a second fire unit. It probably looked like a bit of overkill from the neighbor’s point of view, but it made me feel better that we had the entire emergency response team in Lambertville right in front of our house.

Maddie was put into a neck brace and thoroughly looked over. They loaded her into the ambulance to get her out of the cold and finish checking her out. Thankfully, one of the paramedics let me climb in with her to help keep her calm and relaxed. I told her I would never leave her side, no matter what.

After a few minutes of observation and passing all of their tests, they concluded that she likely just had the wind knocked out of her and her body went into a ‘reset’ mode. Her blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygen levels were all right where they should be, as well as her lungs sounding perfect. They examined her back and couldn’t find any contusions or anything out of place. Thank God!

I would like to take a moment to give huge props and a thank you to the amazing 911 dispatcher for his composure and steadfast support. These folks do not get enough credit for the job they do. Considering the majority of people they talk to on a daily basis, are ones that are experiencing terrible and even life threatening problems. Your invaluable work has not gone unnoticed.

To the first responders; thank you for your quick actions and for keeping our Maddie-Mo comfortable and safe. Your reassurance and knowledge were so very helpful in putting all of our minds at ease and allowing us to start breathing again.

Later in the evening as I was reflecting on the day, I couldn’t help but be extremely thankful for the family I have been blessed with. Everyone did their part to make sure Maddie was tended to properly. Laura screaming for help, Aislynn bringing Mo a blanket, Ashley making calls to other family members and then taking care of Laura, and my wife for remaining composed and holding our little one’s head from moving around. Everyone made me very proud that day.

We kept Maddie home the next day and let her get some extra rest. She is doing well and you wouldn’t even know there was a problem. This all could’ve been so much worse; had she not been wearing her helmet. I know kids don’t like to wear them, but please don’t let them do these sorts of activities without one. It could easily be the difference between life and death or paralysis.

You Stink.

Have you ever let your dog out to play and it starts to rain before you call them back in? Before you know it, you have a soaked K-9 dripping all over your kitchen floor. They loved it. They were rolling around and having a grand ole time. You grab a towel and start to dry them off when you finally get a whiff. The smell of a wet pup is like nothing else. It violates your nasal passages. You have no choice but to bathe them. That stench will get on everything if you do not act quickly.

The same exact thing happens when you douse yourself in patchouli oil. It is the most vile and putrid scent known to man. It is obtrusive in the worst way. Against everyone’s will, it violates the olfactory organs. Personally, I feel assaulted whenever you free loving tree huggers passes by me while I’m trying to write at the local coffeehouse.

If you’ve ever sat outside in the summertime, you know how bad the insects can be, especially mosquitoes. You reach for a can of OFF spray and cover yourself with it. It doesn’t smell good, but it’s worth it to keep those little blood suckers at bay. Patchouli was developed by the Hindi in India and other parts of southeast Asia, for the same reason. There’s no need to wear it in Northwest Ohio in January, Sunshine! It must work, because I don’t want to be within 30 feet of your smelly ass. Actually, I’d rather you smell like ass. It’s a far more pleasant odor.

I get it, all of you potheads want to mask the smell of the marijuana. I hate the smell of weed, but I would welcome it over you bathing in, what can only be described as a 3-day old rain puddle mixed with cat piss. With the new wave of edibles and vape pens, you can get your fix without being stinky. Everyone wins!

Please do us all a favor and dump the rest of that hippie extract down the drain and go find something a little more floral or even citrusy. This time of year, try thinking oranges or cherry blossoms or whatever the cocaine riddled strippers are wearing these days.

The point is, patchouli is no longer the exotic and organic Ancient Asian perfume, that you think it is. We love in a modern society with so many other modern solutions. Please, I beg of you. You’ve killed my sense of smell and it’s much too late for me, but please think of the children!

Sincerely,

You Stink.

Forgiveness is Not Defeat

For the first time since I’ve started writing every day, I’m having trouble putting my emotions and feelings to paper. I sit and stare at the screen and try to force the words. Which often results in hastily deleting everything and switching over to the time-suck that is Facebook. My frustration then leads to arguing politics with people I don’t even know. Talk about a waste of good brain cells.

Writing has helped me to cope with a large amount of my daily struggles. I rarely do it at home, but rather at a coffee shop of some sort. Thankfully, a brand-new shop just opened down the street from me. I prefer leaving over staying at home so that I have less distractions. I put on my music, open the laptop, take out my note book and my journal, pen case, newspaper, and start transcribing my thoughts into a poem or story. It’s very cathartic and even Zen-like.

When the words are nothing but a jumbled mess, then the stress starts to back up. I can’t focus and I feel like anger starts to take over my world. It’s as if everyone is out to get me. The anxiety creeps up from the depths of my stomach until it reaches my throat and I feel like I’m being lightly strangled.

As most of you know by now, my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer. This was a major blow to the whole family and we’ve all been coping in one way or another; some healthy and some not so much. How does one healthily cope, when they feel their world is crashing down around them?

My sister and I haven’t always been super close, but we weren’t estranged from each other, either. Just very different people with different outlooks on life. Last year around this time, we got into a giant fight at our Super Bowl party. Screaming and yelling over something fairly petty. Tempers were flaring and I asked her to leave. Which she did, in tears. For nearly an entire year, we didn’t speak. The only time was during our Grandmother’s funeral. We were both stubborn and neither of us would make the first step to admit we were wrong.

The year went by fast. I had my own problems and health issues and told myself I didn’t care if Kellyn was hurt by things or not. I was not going to apologize. Yet, I thought about her often, and I missed her. Around Thanksgiving I invited her over for dinner. She never even responded. The next day I sent her a simple “I love you” message. No response. I didn’t really expect one, nonetheless I wanted her to know I was reaching out. From that point on, every week or two, I would send her the same 3-word text. No response. I told my wife that I was going to keep sending her the same message until she was ready to talk. On Christmas Eve, I got an “I love you” back from my sister, who was lying in a hospital bed and fearing the worst news was coming. Her message  made me feel all warm inside. It was like getting to open one of your Christmas presents a day early.

I would find out later that every time I had text my sister one of those messages, it happened to be the same moment that she was in excruciating pain. She said there was no way I could’ve known anything was wrong, since she hadn’t told anyone. I don’t know what made me text her in the first place, but I felt compelled to do so.

This last month has been a hard one on her and the entire family. Chemotherapy and surgery and doctor appointments, not to mention the pain and lethargy. One thing I am eternally grateful for, is the relationship that my sister and I are building.

As I have been reflecting on my life, I really feel I never gave my sister credit for being the amazing woman she is. Sure, she’s the most tenacious person I’ve ever known, but she would probably say the same thing about me. I judged her too hard and never saw her for the funny and beautiful soul that she grew up to be. She’s kind and gentle, and a phenomenal Aunt to her 7 nieces. I’ve really been missing out on her life, because she wasn’t more like me.

Kellyn had to shave her head this week, which if you know her, you know how much she adores her hair. She didn’t want anyone with her when she did it, but she came out looking like a badass and still just as gorgeous. She has this G.I. Jane/Ripley thing going on. It looks great and I hope she learns to wear it as a badge of honor and pride.

If there is one piece of super cliché advice I could offer, it would be to stop taking your life and those you love most, for granted. You rob yourself of happiness and peace when you allow inconsequential instances dictate your life. It’s ok to be the first to say “I’m sorry”. Forgiveness isn’t defeat. Being too stubborn to admit when you’re wrong, is defeat. Hold your people close. Tell them you love them. Don’t waste another moment being angry or holding a grudge. It’s just not worth it.

With gratitude,

~Ryan