You Stink.

Have you ever let your dog out to play and it starts to rain before you call them back in? Before you know it, you have a soaked K-9 dripping all over your kitchen floor. They loved it. They were rolling around and having a grand ole time. You grab a towel and start to dry them off when you finally get a whiff. The smell of a wet pup is like nothing else. It violates your nasal passages. You have no choice but to bathe them. That stench will get on everything if you do not act quickly.

The same exact thing happens when you douse yourself in patchouli oil. It is the most vile and putrid scent known to man. It is obtrusive in the worst way. Against everyone’s will, it violates the olfactory organs. Personally, I feel assaulted whenever you free loving tree huggers passes by me while I’m trying to write at the local coffeehouse.

If you’ve ever sat outside in the summertime, you know how bad the insects can be, especially mosquitoes. You reach for a can of OFF spray and cover yourself with it. It doesn’t smell good, but it’s worth it to keep those little blood suckers at bay. Patchouli was developed by the Hindi in India and other parts of southeast Asia, for the same reason. There’s no need to wear it in Northwest Ohio in January, Sunshine! It must work, because I don’t want to be within 30 feet of your smelly ass. Actually, I’d rather you smell like ass. It’s a far more pleasant odor.

I get it, all of you potheads want to mask the smell of the marijuana. I hate the smell of weed, but I would welcome it over you bathing in, what can only be described as a 3-day old rain puddle mixed with cat piss. With the new wave of edibles and vape pens, you can get your fix without being stinky. Everyone wins!

Please do us all a favor and dump the rest of that hippie extract down the drain and go find something a little more floral or even citrusy. This time of year, try thinking oranges or cherry blossoms or whatever the cocaine riddled strippers are wearing these days.

The point is, patchouli is no longer the exotic and organic Ancient Asian perfume, that you think it is. We love in a modern society with so many other modern solutions. Please, I beg of you. You’ve killed my sense of smell and it’s much too late for me, but please think of the children!

Sincerely,

You Stink.

Forgiveness is Not Defeat

For the first time since I’ve started writing every day, I’m having trouble putting my emotions and feelings to paper. I sit and stare at the screen and try to force the words. Which often results in hastily deleting everything and switching over to the time-suck that is Facebook. My frustration then leads to arguing politics with people I don’t even know. Talk about a waste of good brain cells.

Writing has helped me to cope with a large amount of my daily struggles. I rarely do it at home, but rather at a coffee shop of some sort. Thankfully, a brand-new shop just opened down the street from me. I prefer leaving over staying at home so that I have less distractions. I put on my music, open the laptop, take out my note book and my journal, pen case, newspaper, and start transcribing my thoughts into a poem or story. It’s very cathartic and even Zen-like.

When the words are nothing but a jumbled mess, then the stress starts to back up. I can’t focus and I feel like anger starts to take over my world. It’s as if everyone is out to get me. The anxiety creeps up from the depths of my stomach until it reaches my throat and I feel like I’m being lightly strangled.

As most of you know by now, my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer. This was a major blow to the whole family and we’ve all been coping in one way or another; some healthy and some not so much. How does one healthily cope, when they feel their world is crashing down around them?

My sister and I haven’t always been super close, but we weren’t estranged from each other, either. Just very different people with different outlooks on life. Last year around this time, we got into a giant fight at our Super Bowl party. Screaming and yelling over something fairly petty. Tempers were flaring and I asked her to leave. Which she did, in tears. For nearly an entire year, we didn’t speak. The only time was during our Grandmother’s funeral. We were both stubborn and neither of us would make the first step to admit we were wrong.

The year went by fast. I had my own problems and health issues and told myself I didn’t care if Kellyn was hurt by things or not. I was not going to apologize. Yet, I thought about her often, and I missed her. Around Thanksgiving I invited her over for dinner. She never even responded. The next day I sent her a simple “I love you” message. No response. I didn’t really expect one, nonetheless I wanted her to know I was reaching out. From that point on, every week or two, I would send her the same 3-word text. No response. I told my wife that I was going to keep sending her the same message until she was ready to talk. On Christmas Eve, I got an “I love you” back from my sister, who was lying in a hospital bed and fearing the worst news was coming. Her message  made me feel all warm inside. It was like getting to open one of your Christmas presents a day early.

I would find out later that every time I had text my sister one of those messages, it happened to be the same moment that she was in excruciating pain. She said there was no way I could’ve known anything was wrong, since she hadn’t told anyone. I don’t know what made me text her in the first place, but I felt compelled to do so.

This last month has been a hard one on her and the entire family. Chemotherapy and surgery and doctor appointments, not to mention the pain and lethargy. One thing I am eternally grateful for, is the relationship that my sister and I are building.

As I have been reflecting on my life, I really feel I never gave my sister credit for being the amazing woman she is. Sure, she’s the most tenacious person I’ve ever known, but she would probably say the same thing about me. I judged her too hard and never saw her for the funny and beautiful soul that she grew up to be. She’s kind and gentle, and a phenomenal Aunt to her 7 nieces. I’ve really been missing out on her life, because she wasn’t more like me.

Kellyn had to shave her head this week, which if you know her, you know how much she adores her hair. She didn’t want anyone with her when she did it, but she came out looking like a badass and still just as gorgeous. She has this G.I. Jane/Ripley thing going on. It looks great and I hope she learns to wear it as a badge of honor and pride.

If there is one piece of super cliché advice I could offer, it would be to stop taking your life and those you love most, for granted. You rob yourself of happiness and peace when you allow inconsequential instances dictate your life. It’s ok to be the first to say “I’m sorry”. Forgiveness isn’t defeat. Being too stubborn to admit when you’re wrong, is defeat. Hold your people close. Tell them you love them. Don’t waste another moment being angry or holding a grudge. It’s just not worth it.

With gratitude,

~Ryan

Grace

Clap of thunder

Explosive electric light

Darkness devours, but

Her soul shines bright

Flowers wilt, and

Leaves begin to fall

Cold is coming, but

Her smile warms all

No birds left to sing

Nest empty and bare

Forlorn and blue, but

Her embrace like a prayer

Heavy winds howl

Waves crash down

Floods consume all, but

Her song cures a frown

Dangerous elements

Conditions unknown

Weather changing, but

With Her you’re never alone

Healing

Here we are again

Miserable gloomy day

Same forest

Familiar trail of fear–

Confused like a late blooming flower

Covered in frost

It won’t give up

Searching for warmth–

A comforting gentle breeze

Blows through the meadow

Whisking away the cold front

Among the trees–

The sun activates

A charge to nature

A sort of call-to-arms

Prepare to battle–

For the light

Will turn to dark

Where the cold will

Rear its ugly side–

Wrap yourself with love

Feel it in your soul

For you will not shiver

And you will not shake–

Like the scared little flower

Fearful of the frost

Accept the warmth

And begin to heal–

Why?

Words can’t describe

Written or otherwise

This pain in my heart

The tears in my eyes

There is no consoling

Nothing you can say

To rid this agonizing

Emotional cloudy day

I go back to sleep

Hopeful I was dreaming

Instead a nightmare

Where I can’t stop screaming

Paying for sins

That never existed

Torture endured

Never enlisted

How do I trust

How can I believe

When all you do

Is try to take them from me

In times of strife

Alone I stand

You were supposed to be

The footprints in the sand

http://www.rnadolny.com

Untitled Friendship

You were bigger and better

Or so you thought

You pushed us around

Sometimes we fought

You were faster and stronger

A real brute force

Teasing and bullying

Your laughing source

Years go by

Then I see you again

Memories flood back

Anger adrenaline

We catch up on life

It wasn’t so bad

You changed a lot

I felt less mad

I resented where you stood

And plotted your demise

Now you’re happy to see me

Excuse my surprise

More years pass

We become great friends

A brother of sorts

Until the world ends

We battled together

Making a ruckus it seems

You stood by my side

While I married my queen

I judged you too hard

Just a typical jock

You fooled us all

Now we all call you Doc

One of few people

I know I could call

That will pick up their phone

And make sure I don’t fall

Life has changed

The distance is grand

Regardless of such

I fucking love you man

Fighting the Right Enemy

Anyone that truly knows me, knows how much I love dogs. Simply put, they are the best. Just the absolute best. Years ago, when I first read about what Michael Vick had done to all of those poor pups, my heart broke. Then it filled with rage and I wanted Vick’s head on a silver platter. How could anyone not?! He and his crew heinously killed, at the very least, eight dogs. For as long as these fights had been going on, I wouldn’t be surprised if that number is much higher.

Fast forward a decade and the story still leaves a bad taste in our mouths. Vick did an 18-month stint in prison for his involvement with dog fighting. In addition, he lost his $130 million contract with the Falcons, as well as Nike and the rest of his endorsements, causing him to file for bankruptcy. Despite all of this, he managed to get back into the NFL, which has upset a lot of people. They want him gone for good.

Since, Michael Vick has become a major advocate for animal rights, donating his time and money, to stop the very thing he went to prison for. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we praise the man and hail him as some sort of hero. However, there is something to be said about his transformation. Vick also speaks with kids at inner city schools, warning the children not to fall into the traps that he did as a young man growing up in the projects. The pressure to join a gang is something that most of us will never have to know.

Recent news has Vick being named as honorary captain for the NFL’s upcoming Pro Bowl game. As you can imagine, the country is up in arms over it. They want him out. They want him dead. They want him tortured. The very people upset about his torturing animals to death, want to torture him to death. This might be the most upside down, backwards, and redundant way of thinking.

Our current society is so incredibly predictable it’s almost laughable. The media reports that he’s being named honorary captain and it takes just mere seconds for it to anger people from coast to coast. People are triggered instantly and insanely upset about something they didn’t even know they were mad about. In no time, posts and statuses start going up like wildfire. There is no stopping it now. In wildfire suppression, firefighters use a technique called a “burnout”. This is the process of starting smaller fires to stop the bigger fire from spreading. Unfortunately, this rarely works in the case of internet activism. Instead of slowly burning out, the fighting simply shifts to the next “injustice” that the media tells us to be upset about.

Our due diligence ends with the signing of a made-up petition and no further action is taken after that. This has become our way of “helping”. No one cares about the actual atrocities that we are plagued with; they just want someone to pay the price. Even when that person has done their time and paid their debt to society. There is no such thing as becoming reformed. We don’t allow people to better themselves and mature. You can never escape your past or be forgiven for your wrongdoings. God will forgive your sins, but “Cathy from Tallahassee” will not. In this particular case, the dispute between everyone is not about the real problem; dog fighting. It is now a contest of ignorance and egos to determine who has the best “expert” opinion.

This is all part of what is called “fake outrage”. It’s where an individual gets all pumped up over an issue, conjures up a thought that has been planted in their soft frontal lobe, and then spews it all over their social media pages. It is my belief that Vick served his time and has more than made up for his violent actions against helpless animals. This in no way condones his acts. I believe this is where everyone gets confused. What he did was unacceptable, but it is forgivable.

My suggestion would be to take this anger you have for this man and redirect it towards those that are still involved in dog fighting. Vick is no longer the enemy. He has renewed himself and is attempting to right his wrongs. We should be working alongside him to save these pups from a cruel and tortuous life.

We have so much more control over the predicaments that we are faced with, than we even realize. Social and mainstream media are racking in millions of dollars every day over us fighting with each other. Our expectable nature is fueling these news conglomerates and we are dividing ourselves further and further apart. It’s not the government or the media doing it, it’s us. They’re just profiting off of it.

So, how do we resist the urge to argue with someone on the internet? It’s so easy to do and it doesn’t require you to even leave the comfort of your couch. They’re faceless arguments that often result in name calling and a devaluation of other’s thoughts and opinions. Rarely do you see people being subjective and open to new ideas. We solve nothing because we’re too busy waiting to talk instead of actively listening. In my opinion, it is best to avoid it at all costs. This may seem easier said than done, but you aren’t going to win. Not because you are wrong, rather the person you are arguing with has already made up their minds. Everything after the fact is futile. Save yourself from the headache, extra stress, and frustration.

We are a very capable society that can accomplish great things if we would just learn to work together. We can make this world a better place if we would just step away from our computers and dig into our communities and neighborhoods. A little love can go a really long way.

With gratitude,

Ryan

We Can Do Better

Gentleman, we need to have a little talk. This will likely pertain to those that are in relationships in which you live with your mate. Although, those that are single or live separately from their significant other, should also pay attention. There will be information given that you will be able to keep in your arsenal, should future problems arise.

For the longest time, we were the hunters, gatherers, providers, and protectors of the family. Many of us still are. And the woman were the homemakers, cooks, maids, and chief boo-boo fixers. It is a dynamic that seems to have run its course and it is imperative that we change with the times. Women are now CEO’s, executive chefs, artists, business owners, and general bad asses. They have become heads of state and family. They even kill their own spiders, now. Yet, they don’t seem to get the respect that they deserve. Giving them their due, doesn’t take anything away from our own accomplishments. Who doesn’t like praise and validation? It is the biggest motivator and a lost art in most of today’s business models. But I digress.

Men, we have it really good. At least the ones I know, including myself, and likely most guys for that matter. Our ladies maintain the household better than we could ever dream of doing. The deal in our home is, she does the cleaning and I will shoot all the bad guys and slay dragons and stuff. It’s a fair trade off, just don’t tell her I said that. Being off work for an extended period of time, has provided me with a unique look into how the American family runs on a daily basis. It turns out, the laundry doesn’t wash, dry, and fold itself. I know. I was shocked, too.

Being home meant I needed to take on more of a stay-at-home-dad (SAHD) role. In an agreement with my wife; I would cook, clean, do laundry, etc. Let me tell you something, this is hard work, and it sucks. The hours are terrible and it never ends. It often goes without any thanks whatsoever. I’m not sure how many kids we even have anymore. It used to be four, but then on some occasions I’ll see another kid. Where did they come from? Are they 3-D printing themselves now? These little crumb snatchers can destroy a room in a matter of seconds. They’re like a NASCAR pit crew of destruction.

I do my best, and it isn’t even half of what my wife does on a day-to-day basis. I can barely remember everything that needs to be done, let alone accomplishing it all. I should probably start using the Alexa to-do list function. I believe most women would prefer to do things on their own in the first place. So, if they are asking for your help, don’t squander this opportunity to show her that you’re part of this team. By her asking, she is saying that she needs you. Do not take this lightly. My wife asked me to hang a coat rack in the laundry room for 2 years. When I finally “got around” to accomplishing this task, it took me less than six minutes, and I got to use power tools. Everyone wins. The point is, putting off these sometimes-mundane tasks, causes more headaches than they’re worth. I was able to make my wife ecstatically happy, during a commercial break. That hasn’t happened since we first started dating!

I should remind you; I do not have a job outside of freelance writing for a couple hours a day. A task that can be done at any hour and at my convenience. When I was working full time, I would come home and kick my feet up. Before work, I often lounged or did as I pleased. This was not a functional team. Guys, do not do this! I repeat, do not do as I once did. It will cause you great heartache and stress. More importantly, it will make things so much harder on your partner.

A typical day for my wife involves a full work day which is often extended by a few hours, a couple of days a week. When she gets home, she prepares dinner, bathes the kids, picks up around the house, does laundry, and if she’s lucky she gets to unwind a little before bed with some sort of awful British T.V. show. She also handles the finances, listens to the plights of teenage girls, and reads stories to our little ladies. She even found time to beat breast cancer last year. Saying that we couldn’t do this without her is the understatement of the year.

As the only male in the household, (besides one of the dogs and a potato shaped guinea pig) I regularly feel out of place, outnumbered, and out of touch. Nevertheless, I have learned so much from all of them. They have taught me to be softer, more compassionate, patient, and understanding. I’ve also found that they tend to cry a lot and frequently they have no idea why.

I’m sure a lot of you do a great job at this every day. And this truly does apply to both sexes and all types of relationships. You don’t have to subscribe to feminism and rallying for change to show the women in your life that you appreciate them. You don’t have to march with picket signs to encourage them to go after that big promotion and tell them how proud you are of everything they have accomplished. Part of what I have learned in recent months, is that it’s OK to live an average and quiet life. Not every job is going to be some grandiose career that leads to fame and recognition. That doesn’t mean we don’t need validation. We are not going to be judged by the jobs we held, but rather by the type of life we live and the joy we bring to others.

I’m not here to tell you how to run your household, nor do I claim to have all the answers. None of what we’ve discussed is a hard concept. The very least we can do is make sure our underwear finds its way to the hamper instead of the floor or door knob and empty the dishwasher every so often. Take a moment to notice her and validate her feelings. Give her thanks and praise. Take her out to do the things that interest her. Give her time to pursue hobbies or even just some alone time. With the current political climate, women have come under fire and are being treated unreasonably. It is our job to stand side by side with our women and demand change from a male dominated system that continuously knocks them down. Let’s lift up our ladies, show our appreciation, and fight the good fight. Even if there aren’t any dragons.