For those of you that remember El Diablo Duck, I present you with the sequel…

El Diablo Duck II: The Quackening

Much like the horrifying incident that occurred on Maddie’s birthday 4 years ago, it was a bright and sunny afternoon. The air was crisp, but the sun on our faces was a relief from the recent chilly weather. The morning started off as any other. We got ready, had a small bite to eat and then took Maddie to school. The birthday girl, Laura, was excited to get out of the house and have a little daddy/daughter celebration. Our first stop was lunch. We decided on 5th Street Pub. The little wanted pizza. It would occur to me later that the original incident also began with a trip to 5SP. It almost feels like some sort of deranged destiny.

After lunch, we made a stop at the grocery store to get items for dinner and get a bag of carbs for the little feathered heathens. Laura insisted on the cart with the attached Volkswagen beetle. Which, if you’ve never had the pleasure of pushing one of these things, it’s like trying to push an actual Volkswagen through the aisles of Kroger, with the maneuverability of a semi. However, was I going to tell the birthday girl no? Absolutely not. I’ve learned. Pick and choose your battles. And the battle was just beginning….

We arrived at Flower Hospital. The water was glistening. The birds chirping. Not a single cloud in the sky. As we slowly made our way to the feeding grounds, I noticed there wasn’t a single water fowl in the area. Nothing. Not a duck in sight. No swans. No geese (Canadian or otherwise). No large warrior ducks. Nada. How could this be? I wondered aloud. Usually this place is teaming with bread thirsty birds. We moved along and found a parking spot near the observation deck. We sat, speculating in the car for a moment. Was it the guys mowing the grass off in the distance? Doubtful. These crazed animals aren’t afraid of anything.

We decided to exit the vehicle, anyways. Maybe we’ll just go for a walk. I opened the bread bag and took out a few slices just in case I needed some hard currency out on hospital grounds. I unbuckled Laura and then shut the driver door. There they were. 3 of them. Large colorful ducks, standing on the curb. Where did they come from?! Laura giggled as they were quacking away. We forced our way onto the grass and began feeding these beasts. They were actually pretty friendly. Eating little bits of bread right from my hand. They weren’t scared. And slowly I became less frightened as well. Laura never showed any fear. Everything was going great…until…Laura ran out of bread. The larger of the 3 approached her, thinking he could intimidate my little one. Then, without provocation, bit Laura on the finger. Just as I’m about to intervene, Laura stands tall, puffs her chest and yells “DON’T BITE ME! IT’S NOT NICE!” Her scolding echoed though the parking lot. The ducks immediately retreated. Sensing they had picked on someone that wasn’t going to fall victim to their bullying tactics. She turns to me with a grin on her face and a tiny maniacal laugh. I stood proud of my little pork chop.

We made our way to the deck and soaked in some rays. Snapped a few photos and dropped some bread down to the few ducks that had gathered. Once out, we made our way back to the van. Just as we took our first few steps, I saw him. El Diablo was standing near a large maple tree. He wasn’t approaching, just watching. As we turned away from him to head out, we were faced with a couple dozen ducks. Where were they all hiding?! Did Diablo send reinforcements?! Was this his plan all along?! But, how could he know?! Laura quickly recognized that we were vastly outnumbered. And out of bread. We slowly backed away. I remotely opened the van door and told Laura to run, sacrificing myself to a potential mauling. I closed the door once I knew she was safe. Facing my own demise, I decided to trick the birds with some sweet kung fu moves. Thankfully, my opponents were stupid and they took the bait! They backed off enough for me to make a dashing escape into the van.

As we drove off, El Diablo stood his ground. His death glare will haunt my dreams for weeks to come.