(un)Invited Guest

Scenario: Laura is quietly playing on the floor with a few of her toys. Maddie is sitting with her while she watches Paw Patrol. I see this as the perfect opportunity to take care of some bathroom business. It’s quiet in there. A few moments of bliss that is rarely found around a house with 4 kids. I get settled in and flip open my latest issue of Popular Mechanics and begin reading a fascinating article about the future of home robots. As I turn the page, the door bursts open like a swat team with a battering ram. The door slamming into the the closet door behind it. Standing in the doorway is Maddie. She is wearing her Leonardo mask, wielding her plastic samurai sword and screaming, “I’M GONNA CUT YOU”!

Now, let’s slow it down a bit and discuss this per heartbeat. The magazine goes flying straight up in the air. For a brief moment, I’m actually levitating over the toilet seat. Fear courses through my veins. The sound I let out was that of a 12 year old girl that just had a spider land on her. It is at this very moment that I’m forever grateful to be sitting on a toilet, because my daughter had quite literally, scared the shit out of me.