Last week my Memories on Facebook reminded me of the time (11 years ago) that my wife had meningitis and spent over a week in the hospital. Today was the day she got to come home.

Each year I think about how poorly I was treated by a manager and a company that I gave everything to for nearly 15 years. There were many moments that I was treated less than human, but this specific incident has stuck with me.

As a family, we had to quarantine for days to make sure none of us had contracted it as well. When I told work that I couldn’t be there due to the possibility that I could infect everyone I came into contact, I was questioned, ridiculed, and made to feel awful. Yelled at and my job threatened by my superior because he would be inconvenienced and have to make some changes to run the floor/bar.

I believed him. I thought I was an awful employee that was letting his co-workers down. I hung on to that for years. I was already suffering from anxiety, but this would throw it into a full-blown disorder that would still rear its ugly head many years later.

The worst part of it all is, he constantly preached how we were one big family that looks out for one another. It’s a line used by managers all over this country and it’s the biggest bunch of horseshit. It’s manipulation at its finest. I have a network of true friends and family that help and support each other no matter the circumstance. We don’t hold a grudge, nor do we owe each other anything for helping out.

Which brings me to “you owe me”, which is yet another manipulation tactic used to make you think you are indebted to this person for a lifetime because they gave you Friday night off. GTFOH!

I wish I had my amazing therapist back then. I wish I knew my self-worth back then. I wish I stood up for myself and told that company to fuck off 10 years sooner.

The restaurant industry needs turned upside down and big changes need to happen now. In 15 years, I never received a single promotion. I asked for more opportunities but was turned down. Why? I believe I was too valuable. My words, not theirs. I could serve, bartend, host, bus tables, manage, do dishes, and jump on the line to cook when needed. You’d think with such a versatile employee, you might pay them better. Again, a lack of self-worth.

Imagine running around a restaurant at peak dinner hour, for hours without a break, dealing with shitty customers, to then spend a couple hours cleaning your section, doing daily and weekly side work, and polishing/rolling silverware. Oh, and for those 2 hours, you’ll be paid server wage, not minimum wage. Somewhere around 3-4 bucks an hour.

Don’t dare speak out against this or else your hours will be cut or you’ll be given the shittiest section in the restaurant.

In 15 years, I took only a handful of paid vacations. The most I ever made was $125 for being gone for 5 workdays. The price of being a tipped employee, I guess. No sick days, no personal days, no benefits until the last year I was there and that was because of the laws being put in place. We were even encouraged to vote for the conservatives because a vote for democrat would certainly close the restaurant and we would be out of a job. Pretty sure that’s borderline illegal.

Now that I have left that life behind me, with no plans to ever return, I would love to see changes to the industry. Some ideas to start:

• Do away with tipping. I realize the restaurant will just raise their prices, but you’re going to pay for it either way. At least now your server won’t get screwed out of a tip from people that refuse. This doesn’t mean you can’t tip; it simply means the restaurant should be paying their employees a livable wage. This cannot be put in place until everyone is on the same page. Until then, tip your damn server!

• Offer employees paid sick and personal days.

• Offer employees a decent paid vacation so they can afford to be gone for a week.

• Once your last table leaves you clock out of server mode and back in as a regularly paid employee, since you’re done serving.

The restaurant industry as a whole, treats their employees like shit, pays them like shit, and profits off their ridiculously hard work, only to pretend they aren’t making money. How can you not make money on a $30 bowl of pasta and a $12 well martini from a vodka that cost $10 a bottle?

It’s all a huge lie. Think about this the next time your server looks overwhelmed and out of sorts, because they are. And that friendly manager that sits at your table tells you the restaurant is a family, is full of shit and would likely beat his employees if he could get away with it.

Rant over….

For now.