People that tell you “they have your best interest at heart”, rarely do. I think it’s a very egotistical way of inserting yourself into someone else’s life. It’s demoralizing. It suggests that people can’t take care of themselves and they need your all-knowing advice to teach them. What qualifies this person to dish out advice? When it all blows up in my face, can I put the blame on them? Are they going to always be there to pick up the pieces?

People like to be heard. They like to share their experiences and educate you on what worked for them. The problem is, no two wounds are alike. And they all must be treated differently. Listening is quickly becoming a lost art. With the vast number of forums and comment sections on the internet, no one has to wait their turn. They can just spew whatever vitriol they feel fits the narrative. There is no civil discourse. It’s everyone standing on their soap boxes, screaming to be heard. No one stops to actually listen to what someone has to say. Not everyone needs saving. Some just need an ear so they can vent their frustrations.

Then there is that one person who decides you’re going to get their unsolicited advice, whether you like it or not. This might be one of the most obnoxiously annoying people to exist. I’m sure you know the type. They are usually very loud and know everything about everything. They’re nearly untouchable. They think that because they overcame a hurdle, means they are now qualified to tell you what to do with your dilemma. I try to keep in mind that these people aren’t as secure as they think they are. They need validation. They need people to tell them how smart and well versed they are. They gain strength and grow into a giant narcissistic blob, with every approving nod and thumbs up. They gain speed and traction and destroy everything in their path. When they are called out on their shenanigans, they play the victim.

These narcissists love to make you look good in public when there are other people around to hear them. Then behind closed doors they are mean and belittling. When you see them for their true colors, they feel they have to bring you back down. They can’t allow you to know too much about them. They don’t want you to see that they are flawed and powerless over their own lives, so they have to put on a façade for everyone to see. They’re fragile and weak. If they feel they are in danger of you revealing their secret, they will back themselves into a corner and become defensive.

Through therapy, I am learning to set boundaries. Toxic people just don’t have a place in my life. I will always accept a challenging view point. I certainly do not want everyone to think exactly as I do. However, if the only thing you bring to the table is increasing my anxiety, then please locate the nearest exit and see yourself out. I can rid myself of most people, but there’s always that one that finds a way to sneak back in. I suppose this is inevitable and just a way of life. I don’t want confrontation, but I also have no interest in carrying this around in my heart and mind.

With that being said, what is so attractive about someone with an incredibly inflated ego? What makes people hang on their every word and treat them as if they are the second coming of Christ? How can others not see them for what they really are? Or, maybe they do see them, but they long for a connection and they are drawn to them.

As I’ve mentioned before; if I write about what bothers me, sometimes that’s enough to rid my mind of the negativity. I go back and forth on which things deserve to be fully confronted and which things aren’t even worth a second thought. I must keep focused on what is truly important in my life and rid myself of what isn’t.

With gratitude,

Ryan